Finding Myself

It’s funny, all my life I’d heard people testify about finding themselves. When I was little, I’d be so confused because I’d wondered how they got lost.   Like didn’t they have the directions when they left!? 🙂 As I grew older,  I’d hear the concept again but being applied more to finding God for the first time or having that rejuvenated relationship with the Lord in order to have the strength to find themselves again.  Overall,  I never thought that it would be relevant in my own life.
I was confident in the direction my life was heading and I had a good relationship with God.   But life has a way of making you doubt everything around you,  especially yourself.

As I matured and got older, there were so many twists and turns, that all that was familiar became a distant memory.  My confidence had faltered and I began to question everything. What happened to me being a lawyer/famous singer/teacher/preacher that was a fierce choir director/wife and mother (we won’t even go there Lol)?  Wait, did I miss something, was I  incapable of attaining those goals?  Was God upset with me?  Where is the life I planned,  dreamed and so hoped for? I felt lost. 

I’d hit a low and although I knew my family and friends would be there for me,  I kept it to myself.  I looked in the mirror and didn’t see the same me.  I couldn’t even face myself, so I went to the place that I knew I could get the answers I so longed for….my knees.   I recited the Serenity prayer:
God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I can’t change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference!  

As simple as that prayer seems, it has so much depth and meaning when it comes to getting back to loving and forgiving yourself and others.  Every single part of this life is not meant to be understood,  but to be endured with the Faith that God is still in control.

So the journey back to finding and unconditionally loving myself had begun,  and I’m here to say that I still have dreams of being all those things in this lifetime…but now I accept that they will not happen when I want them to,  but when God sees the perfect time!

I pray that each of you find yourselves and are able to make those changes to be able too see you in that mirror again. Know that you are a God work in progress.  Believe in yourself,  Trust in God and embrace life for it is a gift!