I haven’t written in a while and I don’t know why. My mother gave me an out with all the stress from work, but honestly, that’s when I feel the most inspired to write. I believe that I haven’t written anything new, because I don’t want to get boring. I don’t want anybody to read my blog and go, “Seriously, can she write about something else other than being encouraged, inspired, motivated, etc…” Who is this person that calls herself Brownsuga? She can’t be this happy all the time! Honestly, I’m not. There are so many times when I feel that worry, that doubt and I question my own life choices. However, another one of my reliefs other than prayer, my Faith and having a good support system, comes from writing.
So as I type this, I realize that maybe it’s time for me to step outside of my comfort zone and present something a little different. An insider to….me (Oh lawd). This post is about releasing words into the Universe that this lovely, single, 30ish yr old woman who is happy with herself and her life, yet isn’t too independent to admit her wants. It’s also about believing that these words will take flight and reach God’s ears J So…..here it goes.
How many times have you crossed your fingers and hoped that this time, it’s going to work out? There’ll be no drama…I mean NO drama. The person who you met and clicked so well with, will be that same person six months or even a year from now. You both want the same things out of life, and you Both want a relationship. If only it were that simple. Life is not that simple, so why would we think a relationship would be? Oftentimes even the word itself is such a taboo. Don’t say that word. I don’t believe in titles. Why do things have to change? Why can’t we just go with the flow? It shows all the signs of being a soap opera or a miniseries. A long running sitcom that feels like it’s about to get cancelled and may not go into syndication. Or like a rollercoaster that you’re so excited to experience, because on the outside it looks like the best ride in the theme park (and ride is not supposed to be literal…my family is reading this freakos Lol). But of course, once you get on, the seats are bumpy and the safety belt doesn’t feel secured, so at any upside down loop, you could fall right out. Then it’s over in 20 seconds (again, not a literal statement to anything but the rollercoaster Lmbo). I’ve felt this way more times than not in these last 3yrs of singledom. It’s like come on, now, something’s got to give! What can be better than having someone to come home to? Someone to listen to jazz with on those rainy nights or someone to sit on the back porch with and play bones or two-handed spades. Someone who your eighty-nine year old grandpa can put his arm around and say, “You better take extra special care of my ladybug.” There is a dream of being somebody’s last call of the day; their emergency contact. Especially when you feel like you have been patient for as long as you can. There’s a voice that’s screaming, I’m ready….helloooo…I’m ready!
I know I’m not alone in my thoughts, and I know it’s not just a woman thang. There are a lot of men that feel the same way (stop playing). The truth is, that no matter how much we long and are ready, Patience is still a virtue. At the end of the day, those relationships that were rushed into, don’t breed the positive, long-lasting results. Nothing has changed in that word, patience, and I’m so grateful that God has kept it that way. One of my favorite verses is 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7, “Love is patient, love is kind and not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. It seems like the hardest thing to do, but it has proven results. Of course once you’re Blessed with that love, it’s up to you to keep it together (but that is not what this post is about, so moving right along J I have had and continue to have a lot of love in my life. Love from my family, my friends, from people who have heard something I said, or listened to a song I sung or have read my writing. This love sustains me, and keeps me strong and hopeful about what’s to come. God is love, and even in the midst of all those things that I still don’t understand, He continues to give me the peace that surpasses all understanding. That’s the way love goes…it’s not to be sought after…it’s to be discovered, a wonderful surprise, a Blessing! I pray God will give you that peace as well…hang in there…there is a time and place for everything…believe that it’s coming!